As I write this final blog for my class assignment, I am reflecting on previous blogs. As a perfectionist, this has been a difficult concept to process– my writing is less than perfect! Where did this drive come from? Is it a neurosis? Do I find a sense of value in turning in perfect work? If so, I am on a hamster wheel that will lead me absolutely nowhere. Shocking isn’t it? The only thing it will get me is feeling frustrated, exhausted, and exasperated. This strive for perfection is not conducive to learning.
If I were the perfect writer, I wouldn’t need to go to school, now would I? I actually enjoy school. I don’t enjoy the pressure of deadlines, or tests, of course. No student truly does. If it were not for the structure of classes and the accountability to professors, where would I be? It’s a safe bet to say that I wouldn’t writing this right now, right here.
Here is something I have learned about myself: I need structure in my life. I need to be accountable to someone, other than myself. Some people are highly self-disciplined. I am not.
Why do I care about presenting a perfect self to the world? I don’t know. Perhaps I have just discovered the next neurosis to breakdown in my next round of the 21-Day Brain Detox sessions.
While I may not need to post weekly on assignment, I plan on posting and maintaining this site as regularly as possible. And so, until we “meet” again –thanks for reading!