Introspections and Cracked Pots

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Back in the day, I made a dinner dish that my mother-n-law had dubbed “More Casserole.” With four children and a husband to feed, it became my go-to dish because it was relatively cheap to concoct, and I love preparing one-pot dishes.

The crowd was divided in their opinion, mostly because it calls for frozen peas, peas that often littered the dining room floor.

Since my mother passed away it has fallen to me to make sure my father has nutritious meals. My sister lives out of state and my brother doesn’t cook.

Thankfully, my father loves More Casserole. I was preparing a massive batch of this casserole for him a few days ago, when I noticed something about the baking dishes––one was shiny and new, the other obviously had seen many turns in the oven, The other boasted a few tiny cracks and dents in the metal.

I’ve watch enough cooking shows to know presentation is an important component to whetting appetites. Remembering this fact got me thinking: Although the same casserole filled each dish, how would each dish’s presentation be received? Shiny and new vs. tiny cracks and dents.

I relate to the vessel marred with dents and cracks; I’m a burn survivor. In 1999, I was burned over 58% of my body, including my face. I required much skin grafting, and multiple reconstructive surgeries to my nose, ear, eyes, and mouth. While I look much better than I did in the beginning, things are not quite symmetrical.

images-4Living in a culture in which beauty and youth are prized (and fleeting) cracked pots, such as myself, are overlooked, and devalued. (I can now add aging woman to that list). And while, I am thankful to be on the survivor end of the ordeal, I face social devaluation everywhere I carry my dented vessel.

My exterior contains the same casserole as it did when the pot was shiny and new, albeit the flavor ––time and experience marry––has only enhanced. Some people think this casserole is pretty dang good¬––peas and all.

Those that judge me by my presentation are shallow, and I don’t want shallow people in my life. Still, it smarts a little to be judged only for my presentation. I am much more that my shell.

Rant of the day √

images-5
Back in the day, I made a dinner dish that my mother-n-law had dubbed “More Casserole.” With four children and a husband to feed, it became my go-to dish because it was relatively cheap to concoct, and I love preparing one-pot dishes.

The crowd was divided in their opinion, mostly because it calls for frozen peas, peas that often littered the dining room floor.

Since my mother passed away it has fallen to me to make sure my father has nutritious meals. My sister lives out of state and my brother doesn’t cook.

Thankfully, my father loves More Casserole. I was preparing a massive batch of this casserole for him a few days ago, when I noticed something about the baking dishes––one was shiny and new, the other obviously had seen many turns in the oven, The other boasted a few tiny cracks and dents in the metal.

I’ve watch enough cooking shows to know presentation is an important component to whetting appetites. Remembering this fact got me thinking: Although the same casserole filled each dish, how would each dish’s presentation be received? Shiny and new vs. tiny cracks and dents.

I relate to the vessel marred with dents and cracks; I’m a burn survivor. In 1999, I was burned over 58% of my body, including my face. I required much skin grafting, and multiple reconstructive surgeries to my nose, ear, eyes, and mouth. While I look much better than I did in the beginning, things are not quite symmetrical.

images-4Living in a culture in which beauty and youth are prized (and fleeting) cracked pots, such as myself, are overlooked, and devalued. (I can now add aging woman to that list). And while, I am thankful to be on the survivor end of the ordeal, I face social devaluation everywhere I carry my dented vessel.

My exterior contains the same casserole as it did when the pot was shiny and new, albeit the flavor ––time and experience marry––has only enhanced. Some people think this casserole is pretty dang good¬––peas and all.

Those that judge me by my presentation are shallow, and I don’t want shallow people in my life. Still, it smarts a little to be judged only for my presentation. I am much more that my shell.

Rant of the day √

MY SAD CAFE : Closing Out The 50s

 

24 September 2017: Excerpts of the lyrics from the Eagle’s song The Sad Cafe

As I say good-bye to my first fifty-nine years on planet Earth, The Sad Café, a song by the Eagles, takes on new meaning. It has always been forlorn and haunting; maybe it’s the key it’s performed in, maybe it’s the lyrics, maybe it’s both.  One message is certain: dreams that came true, were forgotten, or unattained; inside my Sad Café.

“Out of the silver light, the past came softly calling, I remember the times we spent inside the sad café”

My past does not call softly. We all have memories calling from our pasts––good and bad––but it is what we choose to dwell on in our rearview mirror that makes a difference in our future’s trajectory. It is difficult to navigate forward if the stare is fixed at what is behind. It’s not always an easy thing to do, especially if one has undergone major traumas or abuse.

“Oh, it seemed like a holy place, protected by amazing grace and we would sing right out loud the things we could not say. We thought we could change this world with words like ‘love’ and ‘freedom’.”

Growing up in the 1960s and 1970s words like “love” and “freedom” were constantly in the evening news. That was the extent of my exposure as I lived in a tiny rural community. Watching on three stations available, I remember watching the protests against the Vietnam War, hippies smoking dope in Haight Ashbury, and scenes of Woodstock on the family screen with Mom “pshawing” and Dad’s “dumb bunnies” filling the air.

In my very early years, scenes of Martin Luther King, Jr., Civil Rights protests, and John F. Kennedy speeches were common. I don’t remember where I was when I heard that news, I was only six years old.

It will take more than mere words to change this world and more than enforceable laws and regulations. To quote Martin Luther King Jr., change will only be “…achieved by true neighbors who are who are willingly obedient to unenforceable obligations.” In other words, change will only come through heart transformation.

“But things in this life change very slowly, if they ever change at all, no use in asking why, it just turned out that way.”

The Eagles are right about this one thing; societal change does change very slowly, but things do change. If you ask why things just “turned out that way’” it might turn out to be related to the choices we have made.

Maslow also believed that life is a series of choices that either led to or moved away from self-actualization; self-actualization is a process—not an end state only.  Although most Christians are at odds with the basic tenet of humanistic approach, I believe Maslow was correct in his theory that life is a series of choices that leads to self-actualization and one can realize their full potential by choice. Yet, I also believe that God has made us in his image; and that image includes the capability of making choices for he instilled in humans this thing called free will.

In three days from this writing, I will be 60 years old––my summer of life turns to autumn. As seasons turn, The Sad Café has been meaningful but, I have yet to figure out if the Sad Café was a literal place or a reference to an ideal. Any thoughts?

For complete lyrics clink this link: https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/eagles/thesadcafe.html

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blogging: A Renewed Start

I began this blog a couple of years ago as a homework assignment. I’m back––without the motivation of obtaining a good grade, but as a means to write about my life; life as an older woman, student, and survivor. I realize this will severely limit my audience. I harbor hopes that through practice and persistence I can develop skills to discover my niche. A few roles I have played and continue to play are mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother. Thus far, I have survived severe burns, lyme disease, colon cancer, and seven consecutive semesters at Simpson University. I do not brag about survival on my own merit, but as a testament to the power and grace of my Father and God.

 

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Niagara  Falls from the U.S.’s Border View 2009

The photo above states my sentiment regarding posting blogs; but the bird represents the freedom I seek from the vulnerability of blogging: exposing my soul to the world.