All My Pets are Named Peeve

This is my dog Jett

It’s true. Mostly. I have a cute little puppy named Jett.  That’s short for his registered foo-foo name of Jett Sun’s Joie de Vie Song. Pretentious, pompous, and hard to spell. His registered name reads Jett Sun’s Joie de Vie Son­­g.  Joie de Vie is a French phrase meaning Joy of Life.

But I digress. 

But all other pets are named Peeve.  I was asked to list them once not so long ago but ran out of time and space. 

I don’t claim to have an all-time top favorite peeve; about the time I decide to name it as such, another one comes along and pushes it out of place. 

For instance, anyone who melts food in Tupperware in the microwave really gets my goat––my goat named Peeve.  For a long time that one took home the Blue Ribbon; and a close second was the disappearing lid. Like socks gobbled by the washer, where do lids go?  I suspect the washing machine or the garbage bin. There’s a possibility they are in cahoots.  

For years these were the only true peeves I thought I owned.  Then I encountered my first Costco parking lot. Ugly plastic dishes move aside, parking lots are numeral uno. Peeves shape-shift. 

I suppose ye ol’ grammar complaints of the misuse of you’re/ your and the improper use of there/their/there are common peeves, but the most annoying to me is the mispronunciation of important said as impordant. Highly educated people say it all the time. I don’t even enunciate the first t clearly; I just kind of skip it.  But I never say the as d. I don’t know why it bothers me; it just does. Grammar peeves are not just for grammar tyrants. 

I know someone who has a peeve named Litrally. I tell her how I interpreted her message litrally and she replies how impordant it is to not do so. 

It’s possible that I grate the nerves of listeners when I Oklahoma-fy the washing machine. I never wash the clothes. I warsh the filthy critters. 

Other peeves include but not necessarily in order of importance:

Wobbly table legs. 

Having to listen to a public one-sided phone conversation. Most people talk extra loud too. UGH! 

People who talk in slow-mo. 

People who talk in warp-speed. (Yes, call me Goldy Locks). 

Slow internet.

People who stare at my face while I talk then ask me to answer a question that I had just explained.   

People come to visit you and spend the entire time texting or scrolling through social media. 

Speech givers who promise to make a point but go down a gazillion rabbit holes and never return. 

People in proximity that sneeze without covering the mouth.  YUCK!

Kissing sounds.  (shudder)

People who keep walking behind my car while I am backing out of a parking space, sounding off alarms.

People who walk down the middle of parking lot drive space.

When the spacing feature bugs out on my word processor program.

People who have more than 14 pet peeves. They are grumpy gills.  

This is Peeve

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