Elton John sang it best in “Sad Songs “(Say so Much).” I don’t deliberately listen to sad songs, but sometimes they are unavoidable. A few days ago, a song played on Pandora that provoked a spontaneous round of tears just as I approached the Starbucks drive-thru counter to pick up a triple espresso on ice. As Elton puts it, it was “the kick inside is in the line that finally gets to you.” After assuring the barista I was O.K., I explained it was just a sad song at the wrong moment, and wiped the tears away. That song stayed with me for hours.
What brought this on? I have obsessed over a life situation for over two months, extending olive branch after olive branch to a person who is so dear for me that I would die for them. Dramatic, you say? As dramatic as it may sound, it’s true, but I hope I am never asked. I’ve been met with radio silence, for all my efforts and apologies.
The song “Say Something” by A Great Big World, mirrored how I felt; the line that kicked inside and finally got to me: “say something, I’m giving up on you and I’m sorry I couldn’t get to you.” One thing is I realized is that I cannot, will not, give up. I will love her, albeit from a distance, until the day she is ready to resume a relationship, or at least be civil.
I’ve been fairly stoic throughout the ordeal until that embarrassing moment with witnesses.
I’m beginning to fear that my older status has made me a sentimental, nostalgic mess.
Another tune I became reacquainted with is “Landslide,” by Stevie Nicks. I’ve never been a big Fleetwood Mac fan, so it surprised me when I had the opportunity to really listen to the lyrics. That change came during an episode of “This is Us.” The character, Kate, played by Chrissy Metz, performed the rendition nearly acoustically.
Three lines had special meaning for me and echoed questions I have been asking this past few months:
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin’ ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Big questions! I asked the same at 18, and am asking again as I climb up the age scale. My main concern is years away, but I’ve seen enough of how the elderly are treated in most nursing homes. There’s a big worry that I’ll be “put away, out to pasture.
I’ve decided worry is no use and now that I have ranted to the world, I’ll play a Scarlett O’hara and save my worries, “after all, tomorrow is another day.
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theRagingSpoon 